Whatever Happened to the Cranky Lady

I began advocating for gay rights in the mid 1980's. Over that long period I've had wonderful experiences and other experiences one might call "interesting." Recently I recalled some correspondence with a lady whose pastor told her to write me and straightened me out.

She emailed me because my name and address appeared on the national site of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Eventually, I learned the lady lived, maybe still lives, in northern Minnesota but was well acquainted with the Fargo-Moorhead area.

She has a daughter who is lesbian and who has a long time partner. This incensed her mother who was writing me. She wanted to blame someone for her daughter's homosexuality. Why not blame those trying to help parents who advocate for equal treatment of homosexual citizens.

This woman seemed not to study or read up on things herself but listened to anyone in her circle of people. Her second and current husband told her the reason her daughter claimed to be homosexual was because it brought her attention. The biggest source of advice, however, came from her preacher who was of some conservative Protestant branch.

The lady sent me by email written versions of her pastor's sermons. The preacher told his church members they should get the email addresses of officials of gay advocacy groups and write them to explain why homosexuality is a sin. It is a sin, the pastor said, because God had designed the male anatomy to work with female anatomy but not other males. Defying God's design was sin.

Now, I am certain this preacher had never himself presented his case to gay rights advocates. He was telling people to do something, write gay advocacy officials, which he had never done and knew nothing about.

The lady was disappointed because the preacher had not prepared her for the responses she got. Several Christian parents of gays responded to her they were certain God had created their children to be gay and to deny them the lives God had intended was a sin.

I advised her to repair that relationship with her daughter. She was missing an important adult relationship, I told her, and in her old age this daughter may provide the help she herself will need.

My advice made the lady even more angry. After several exchanges she stopped responding.